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Balancing sadness with excitement
So while I am dealing with grief of having lost a good person in my community, I am excited for the fact that in 9-10 months Drew and I will be moving. We are moving into his childhood home which is exciting a scary all at the same time.
We are honored to be able to move to a larger place but it changes all the plans we were making for the next few years. But again we get a house for the same price as our rent and storage payments. And as I keep saying Washer and dryer to use any time! Which will be good as it will be up to me to get that going. I have more clothes and will be more willing to match socks. IT is a thankless task but we need to do it. I am damn picky about my socks.
We haven't announced it to everyone as it feels odd. We are lucky to be given this opportunity and others are not doing as well as we are. so it is hard sometimes to cheers about the good luck we have been having. My job is stable and Drew's si going well. But all around us so many of the people we love are having a hard time. And we are supportive but I hate being all "Hey look at all the great things we are doing," because I feel like i might be seen as rubbing it their faces that we are doing well. It is stupid as we are not perfect. We have issues but we are constantly trying to be better and do better and no one sees when we have issues as we both keep it to ourselves. We don't break down much in public spaces as it feels like Well I feel like I am whining when others I love are having it much harder than I am. So I keep on the fake mask of "It is all great." even when it isn't because it is all first world issues really. And yes I would love the support but others need it more I think. And I can afford to go to a therapist or some such person but others can't.
And some times I wish I could shout to the world "HEY I am broken today. Can I get some attention?" but what is the point to that? I mean I do say "hugs needed" some times but not often because I have people I know who are literally dying of cancer issues, or are close to homelessness or have lost their partners or their support systems due to other issues. And I have support and family and a good job and partners(yes I have other partners!) who love me. And I don't talk about the good or bad much as I feel like it is not something that needs to be discussed when others are truly hurting. And yet, who do I talk to? Who do I reach out too? Yes my partners but they can't be the only ones. It is not fair to them or myself really. And yet I don't know who to open up to. I was included in a Secret kink group on FB recently and yet I have barely posted there because i am not sure if I can be open there REALLY. There are folks on there I don't want knowing my details even though there are people there i love and adore.
so I will say it here as I know the 4 people who can see this are people who probably already know.
Yes I am bisexual, poly, married and happy. I am very lucky and I am grateful every day to the people in my life. Thank you.
We are honored to be able to move to a larger place but it changes all the plans we were making for the next few years. But again we get a house for the same price as our rent and storage payments. And as I keep saying Washer and dryer to use any time! Which will be good as it will be up to me to get that going. I have more clothes and will be more willing to match socks. IT is a thankless task but we need to do it. I am damn picky about my socks.
We haven't announced it to everyone as it feels odd. We are lucky to be given this opportunity and others are not doing as well as we are. so it is hard sometimes to cheers about the good luck we have been having. My job is stable and Drew's si going well. But all around us so many of the people we love are having a hard time. And we are supportive but I hate being all "Hey look at all the great things we are doing," because I feel like i might be seen as rubbing it their faces that we are doing well. It is stupid as we are not perfect. We have issues but we are constantly trying to be better and do better and no one sees when we have issues as we both keep it to ourselves. We don't break down much in public spaces as it feels like Well I feel like I am whining when others I love are having it much harder than I am. So I keep on the fake mask of "It is all great." even when it isn't because it is all first world issues really. And yes I would love the support but others need it more I think. And I can afford to go to a therapist or some such person but others can't.
And some times I wish I could shout to the world "HEY I am broken today. Can I get some attention?" but what is the point to that? I mean I do say "hugs needed" some times but not often because I have people I know who are literally dying of cancer issues, or are close to homelessness or have lost their partners or their support systems due to other issues. And I have support and family and a good job and partners(yes I have other partners!) who love me. And I don't talk about the good or bad much as I feel like it is not something that needs to be discussed when others are truly hurting. And yet, who do I talk to? Who do I reach out too? Yes my partners but they can't be the only ones. It is not fair to them or myself really. And yet I don't know who to open up to. I was included in a Secret kink group on FB recently and yet I have barely posted there because i am not sure if I can be open there REALLY. There are folks on there I don't want knowing my details even though there are people there i love and adore.
so I will say it here as I know the 4 people who can see this are people who probably already know.
Yes I am bisexual, poly, married and happy. I am very lucky and I am grateful every day to the people in my life. Thank you.