(no subject)

[rosered32]

I am at a turning point in my life. I want to be happy and move forward. I want to say that I am finding everything I need an and sure of where I am headed. I want to say that life is right where I hoped it would be 5 or so years ago. I can't. I hate it but I can't. Life is confusing, my work life is changing and I don't know what the next few months will bring. My ather has been in andout of hospitals since April. He needs a new heart, but being 55 is isn't likely to happen. He isn't in the best health and I really wish I could pack up and go spend a few months or so with him. However, even if I did move closer, I would hardly see him. His wife is over sensitive to his relationship with me and it is rare that even when I am there we get to spend time just us. Don't get me wrong, she is nice to me, she just doesn't like the fact that he isn't under her control when I am in town. I don't understand it as I always know who is in control of their relationship, but when I am around, he has someone to talk to about the stress I guess.

As for other aspects of my life, well they are in flux. I am trying to figure out the next move and am not sure I truly want to take it even though I know what it will probably have to be. The changes are too great and my heart is not ready for this. Love is a very special thing and I don't know how to keep hold of it when my mind and heart disagree with each other. Some days I wish I could just say poof! and it would be fixed or changed without the mess and fuss. Keep me in your prayers or what ever and hope things go smoothly not matter what those things are.

I am going to see my mother next weekend. Now most know she lives in Ohio with the adpoted dad and young brother.He is in college now so I feel funny saying little brother, especially since he is taller than me(just but he is). My mom and I don't always see eye to eye on many things and I often feel that I remind her too much of herself which makes her uncomfortable. Not to say she doesn't love me, I just think somedays she sees her flaws reflected back at her and it is hard to deal with. Oh well, I am my mother's daughter in some ways. So my sister and I are flying down to visit her while she is out in CA for a work trip. I am kind of happy but also aprehensive. I need to talk to her,but I don't really want to talk to her either.

Oh well... off to be hospitalible

Comments

[ladynikita29.livejournal.com]

turning points suck.... it seems like if you try to stay where you are you might explode, but the thought of making change is almost worse. my thoughts are with you....best of luck dearie.