rosered32 | Recent Entries

It is Nov 20, 2023. You would have been 55 today.
Would we have been together still? I am not sure.
But You were a terrific human and i am so glad for the time we did have and you are in my world as a guide. I know that sounds weird but I know you are here. You made it clear when I went to your grave last year.
You are always in my heart and you always will be.

I am doing well. I have a great partner and I still have friendships with folks you knew too. The station you helped create is still around. The friendships are still there even though they have all evolved in weird ways. We are all different but still we come together to celebrate that station and we gather as friends who did this thing that only we can celebrate.

Today i will celebrate you being in my world and how much I still have of you.

Love you still.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: More than Words

I decided to try the 14 day Love Challenge from Ethony Dawn on FB or Instagram.. she is prolific so I'm not sure where I first saw this but I wanted to try it no matter what.

Day 1 is the Aces and being open to love. The question is when did you close yourself off to love.
And that struck me.
Harder than I expected.
When did I do that?
And I realized I had.

I am very selective with whom I actually let in to my heart. I am open to new friends but I don't let many folks in very deep as I have been hurt many times in the past. I don't let folks often see the broken bits or the chips below the surface. It can be lonesome at times but If I am not careful I will care and then be stepped on again. It takes me a while to be ok with caring and not worrying about being care about back. Most folks may not realize how much I care about them but some might. I say it but am never sure how to show it well. I give gifts and send notes in small bit. I support friends projects and send encouragement to people I love. I wonder if that is enough. I do show up but I am not pushy about being on the inside of things. I don't know how best to share the super soft spots sometimes.

As I go through this challenge I will see what changes I can make and what I can grow as I go down this path of 14 days of love and Cups diving. I will see where it leads.

Link for pictures of the cards: https://www.roseredtarot.com/2021/02/01/day-1-of-the-14-day-love-challenge-from-ethony-day/

Current Mood: contemplative

Finally Deleted my LJ.

It feels weird. But it needed to happen. I transferred as much as I could here.

On to new phase of postings and rambles. Yes more rambles. More self doubt. More secret thoughts. More whining. More me.

Current Mood: contemplative

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Work

BWAHGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sharing this post from 2005-June 27:

So I just realized that DJ passed on 15 years ago today.

I am home as I just didn't feel well and then I sat down to check on a friend's LJ post and send her hugs, when it hit me. I know that I am in a different place than I was 15 years ago. I have been married and divorced, had another serious relationship, graduated college(where we met), joined a great group of people who love to camp in silly clothes, and have some wonderful friends and memories. I am not the same person in some ways that I was then. I have made it through the "Interesting Years" to quote Drew.

I am 35 and looking towards my future. I have a job that is rewarding and so not what I thought I would be doing oh so long ago. I live on my own and am sort of self sufficiant(I really have to say CA is expensive!). I have met my bio dad and we have a great relationship. My mom and I seem to understand each other and my dad who raised me and I seem to be able to talk more than we ever did.

I just can't believe how life has changed. I have been through so much and learned so much. I know some of my friends are going through some rough spots right now and I can say, "This will make you stronger." Everyone has challenges they must get through and I am fortunate to have friends and family who were there for me when I needed them most. I appreciate my very good fortune. I know that life is about choices and I am the one I effect the most. No one can make me happy but me. And that is what I try to do. No one else can read my mind, I have to be the one to say what is going on. No one has the answers but me. Sure others can help to make me happy or sad, but in the end it is my choice whether to suffer or not.(Sage, that homily was spot on!)

I miss DJ but it was not meant to be. God had other plans for him. But some times I wish I could just tell him all that has happened since that aweful night.

It is funny how life just moves on and we let go of the hurt and and it hurts less as we grow and change.
Cheer for a new day and joy for the sunrise. Now I will go back to "looking for baggage that goes with mine!"

Current Mood: melancholy

List off the good, happy memories that you hold.

I remember each of my boyfriends and my ex-husband.
I remember What it was like to walk at my college graduation.
I remember seeing him at my first wedding (I almost tripped!).
I remember seeing SEA at my wedding to Drew and he blocked out the sun in my eyes so I could marry my best friend.
I remember I remember DJ's smile when he played No Shoes Blues for me.
I remember I remember when Kelly gave me her story about my accident.
I remember my first time.
I remember seeing the Berlin Wall when it was still a barrier.
I remember my first time at Draggin' Bytes and my first Steve hug and milkshake.
I remember Drew meeting my stepmom for the first time and she saying to me "Marry him!"
I remember when I was first asked if I was a witch by one of my students("Because you Look like one,Miss Sally").
I remember my first boy/girl dance at age 11.
I remember when we got caught by the cop and he had to get out his driver's licence and I had to not laugh.
I remember being surprised by The Princess of Poland and being acknowledged by a group outside of my own for my love of faire.
I remember going to Italy and seeing Florence as well as Pisa.
I remember being at their Handfasting at Stafford Lake and thinking how awesome those folks are and I get to see them all these years later and how they are awesome even today.
I remember trying to find her phone after Meet the Guests when she had it in her bra the whole time.
I remember being speechless as I was given a Mixie Award.
I remember meeting Toby Froud.
I remember ComicCon 2012 and getting photo bombed by Felicia Day.
I remember meeting my bio Dad for the first time as an adult.
I remember the first time Mary K Greer said "Hello Rose!" to me without my boss and being thrilled.
I remember presenting the first time at PCon.
I remember the day Drew asked and I said yes.
I remember you.

I remember...

Current Mood: contemplative

So this year I remember to send my bio dad a gift. I am far from perfect on remembering to send cards and such. Yes I kinda suck on that and I know it. I didn't get out all the mother's day cards (I still have my mom's but she had other plans and we talked and ended up spending a special day together as we see each other at least one a month if not more.)

ANYWAY! I was so excited to have remembered to get my bio dad 9And my dad who raised me too) a gift this year that I didn't think anything of it as it was going to actual get there before the day so he could enjoy it with his step kids ' husbands who were all coming to his house for Father's day.

But what happened? His wife, my step-mother who I did not meet until I was 23, got mad. She was mad that he got a gift this year. Now to be fair she didn't get a card or gift from me this year as she was traveling so I didn't send one. And of course this means I hate her. I don't BTW. I don't always love her, but I I like her well enough. She didn't raise me and really we are friendly but again I do try to get her a mother's day gift or card. I just didn't this year. But she made my bio dad's day hell because clearly I am mad at her and I hate her because I got him a gift. WHAT?!?:!

Mind you- I get it- she likes gifts. It is probably the highest of her Love Languages -(if you know what that is then you know gift giving is on the list of ways people need to be shown they are loved.) But again this year it just didn't happen and again I didn't get my own MOM a gift. And so she yelled at my bio dad and said she was cancelling the dinner the next day and on and on... why do it matter? She has 3 other actual children whom she raised who have grandkids and live in her state two towns away! I just don't get it.. We are not super close. We text every once in a while. When I was last in New York, I opted out of spending time with them as she was sick. I managed not to get the Con Crud and was not willing to take chances on other sicknesses. It was not personal. Yes I see how it could be seen that way but I usually remember her for Mother's day and not my bio-Dad for Father's day which she them gives him a hard time about as well but this .. I just don't get it.

Just needed to vent.

My dad who raised me love his cheese box as I got him cheese he had never had before! It was cool. I usually don't know what to get Dad but this time I was spot on! That was nice this time. At least I got one right.

So while I am dealing with grief of having lost a good person in my community, I am excited for the fact that in 9-10 months Drew and I will be moving. We are moving into his childhood home which is exciting a scary all at the same time.

We are honored to be able to move to a larger place but it changes all the plans we were making for the next few years. But again we get a house for the same price as our rent and storage payments. And as I keep saying Washer and dryer to use any time! Which will be good as it will be up to me to get that going. I have more clothes and will be more willing to match socks. IT is a thankless task but we need to do it. I am damn picky about my socks.

We haven't announced it to everyone as it feels odd. We are lucky to be given this opportunity and others are not doing as well as we are. so it is hard sometimes to cheers about the good luck we have been having. My job is stable and Drew's si going well. But all around us so many of the people we love are having a hard time. And we are supportive but I hate being all "Hey look at all the great things we are doing," because I feel like i might be seen as rubbing it their faces that we are doing well. It is stupid as we are not perfect. We have issues but we are constantly trying to be better and do better and no one sees when we have issues as we both keep it to ourselves. We don't break down much in public spaces as it feels like Well I feel like I am whining when others I love are having it much harder than I am. So I keep on the fake mask of "It is all great." even when it isn't because it is all first world issues really. And yes I would love the support but others need it more I think. And I can afford to go to a therapist or some such person but others can't.

And some times I wish I could shout to the world "HEY I am broken today. Can I get some attention?" but what is the point to that? I mean I do say "hugs needed" some times but not often because I have people I know who are literally dying of cancer issues, or are close to homelessness or have lost their partners or their support systems due to other issues. And I have support and family and a good job and partners(yes I have other partners!) who love me. And I don't talk about the good or bad much as I feel like it is not something that needs to be discussed when others are truly hurting. And yet, who do I talk to? Who do I reach out too? Yes my partners but they can't be the only ones. It is not fair to them or myself really. And yet I don't know who to open up to. I was included in a Secret kink group on FB recently and yet I have barely posted there because i am not sure if I can be open there REALLY. There are folks on there I don't want knowing my details even though there are people there i love and adore.

so I will say it here as I know the 4 people who can see this are people who probably already know.
Yes I am bisexual, poly, married and happy. I am very lucky and I am grateful every day to the people in my life. Thank you.

There are times when I think I can't express my grief as fully as I am feeling it as I was not as close to the ones who have gone as others were. That the person we are all mourning touched some one else's life more than mine so how can I be so sad. I am feeling like I can't post anything as I was not super close and it feels hypocritical. And Yet I am sad as i knew this person too. They were a great presences even if we were not close. They did so much for their community and they were a voice I was so glad to hear at events on the radio as we all worked.

Yes Anthony Bourdain was awesome and influential to many i know, but Darrin was in my family even if we were both more distant cousins than siblings. He was from when I was super shy and had a small group of friends and then came back in my world when I joined CAT. He was the voice of reason for many years and it was a joy to see him at con even if he was just visiting. His deep voice was always soothing and his laugh infectious. I will miss him and I will mourn the times we didn't know each other when we could have.

I cry every time I read a post about how he touched folks lives and all he did in the community. He was an amazing man and I wish I had known him better.

Current Mood: melancholy

So I am taking my SHRM-CP test next week and I am freaking out. I am nervous as hell and I know it will be ok (I think) but I am terrified I will fail.

I am going to cram as much as I can from now until Wednesday and then Wed night I am going to just breath right? Right.

Ok Back to studying.

Current Mood: anxious

So I have not used this much. I have been using other social outlets and I realize I miss typing out my feelings and what -I- am going through but most of it is not drama filled so I try to keep it to myself.

I am doing well. I have a good job that I enjoy and which is encouraging me to expand and they are paying for me to get my HR certification. I got a raise on my last day in the office before Christmas. That is BIG. There is no bonus but no one got one of those and we didn't really do a holiday party as well too many work trips and then folks traveling in December made that planning harder. So we decided to do a lunch in January. Some folks were not thrilled but it worked the best.

Also I am officially closing my live journal which is so weird. I was on there for officially 16 years, but due to the other plate forms that arose, spent less and less time there. I realize that I need to use this place as a way to express myself more fully and stop keeping things bottled up. Let's hope I can do that.

I just celebrated 9 years married to Andrew and that is still mind blowing. We have had so many crazy things go through our lives and we have changed and grown over the years. We have expanded our definitions of married life and what we want out of it as people. We are definitely not our parents and we don't have kidlets. We have each other and we have our other metamours which has its ups and downs of course. But at the end of the day we have each other and that is kinda awesome.

Well that is it for today. I will try to do this once a week I think. It will be good to do a download of thoughts and give it more breath thant 280 characters.

Current Mood: contemplative

So I joking said I could fill a space on the BayCon schedule and Programming said ok! So it is on!

I will be teaching "Creating Backgrounds for your Characters Using Tarot Cards and Archetypes." I have done similar things for my gaming and for short stories in the past. Now in 3 days I will be sharing how I do it with a small group. It is kinda exciting.

So that is what I a working on right now.
Actually I am not working on it at the moment.
I am posting here.
So back to it.

Current Mood: geeky

Sun, 07:03: https://t.co/koN4v4K34N

Sat, 11:30: Upgrade that Stuff!!! https://t.co/ChoIyavqij
Sat, 11:32: This is very true! Fund the arts! https://t.co/MKwom1GO55
Sat, 11:33: https://t.co/EPk4iiYpIt
Sat, 11:33: Beltane is Monday!!!! https://t.co/A4FKuOR49v
Sat, 11:34: https://t.co/wtG6pcPB0a
Sat, 11:36: RoseRed Robinson https://t.co/gqUjk1xxkY

Thu, 16:29: 10 Bands- 9 i have seen perform live, 1 I have not. Ready? Go: Duran Duran Bobby Vee Weird Al Mr Big Bruce... https://t.co/e39DN5nCZd
Thu, 16:44: I miss 80's hair bands some days. Especially ones that made me appreciate their actual music talent not just... https://t.co/ts247AZNup
Thu, 18:45: 4 yrs ago at the BC table at that other SteamPunk Con! I forgot the name! Help! https://t.co/TbcTdeWjvL
Fri, 05:33: Got off the plane at JFK and the first music I hear is @amandapalmer 's Coin Operated Boy over the sound system! ❤️NYC! #welcometotown

Wed, 12:06: You got: Your most dominant trait is your passion! You make decisions based predominantly on emotion and your... https://t.co/fw38nDCBBH
Wed, 12:20: I guess I am very mom-ish! https://t.co/OKHJ2iRsz6
Wed, 13:16: Beautiful handwriting & penmanship! Love it! https://t.co/H6ig0vGFDu
Thu, 00:57: https://t.co/QLEsGt0NdY
Thu, 00:59: Natasha this made me think of you! https://t.co/dRmZsOFycE
Thu, 01:02: I love the idea of this furniture but I wonder if it is so you can sell small spaces for living at higher rates... https://t.co/2LPXlYx3nV
Thu, 01:05: Happy Anniversary Romy & Michelle. https://t.co/ZqKUzNEKRo
Thu, 01:11: This is awesome! #healthyatanysize https://t.co/yDuommO2Yb
Thu, 01:30: Bill- goal for next SVCC? https://t.co/up21eJ4N2f
Thu, 01:34: This is kinda awesome! Of course now I want Mint Chocolate Chip ! https://t.co/bfoT8Zuv4a

( Read more... )

Tue, 15:01: WOWOWOWOWOWOW! It really is the 80's all over again! https://t.co/VSDTM1TUTJ
Tue, 15:27: People with Kids! This is important to remind your children! No to strangers! #keepkidssafe https://t.co/5fivWjJNtE
Tue, 17:51: I am looking for the Wonder Woman Movie Advertisements too! #WWWeNeedYou Thanks GeekGirlDiva!... https://t.co/qezoJFVpE2
Tue, 17:57: I can dig this. https://t.co/OTJRuCzg2q
Tue, 17:58: This seems odd on the Richer than 100% of the world... Unless you mean in happiness. That I can believe. https://t.co/j7JumyTeOd
Tue, 18:18: Yes Black Soft Serve FTW! https://t.co/y8kt047EkW https://t.co/KrxEJXaxdh
Tue, 22:20: Wow! This could be amazing. https://t.co/MaMUTwI9ml
Wed, 10:12: This is pretty cool since I know some of the folks that worked on this! https://t.co/BdX3X4hb3Z
Wed, 10:32: This fact alone is scary enough: "The rate of homelessness in the public school population has doubled over the... https://t.co/CjpIr8GxY0

Tue, 00:38: Be careful when you ride BART. Extra care at coliseum station! https://t.co/UltdCsZdLL
Tue, 01:05: RT @jermainedesign: RT if you'd be interested in seeing me expand this into a digital mini-series, following the younger days of Diana. #Wo…
Tue, 01:06: RT @JoyAnnReid: Slavery. Slavery is worse. And fighting for slavery. And memorializing the fight for slavery with monuments to slavers. All…
Tue, 01:06: RT @NancyPelosi: Important Reminder: @realDonaldTrump spent his #Trump100Days trying to drive up health care costs & attacking religious gr…
Tue, 01:32: I enjoyed the movie & am looking forward Tom the series. #DWP2017 https://t.co/4SLlPH9Gl9
Tue, 01:32: I enjoyed the movie & am looking forward Tom the series. #DWP2017 https://t.co/4SLlPH9Gl9 https://t.co/9OuS4zpDxT

Sun, 12:31: James Konijn where are you today?
Sun, 13:01: TMW you feel like you are at your local con attending a cool panel but it is at the big one! Also you know the panelists rock! #SVCC2017
Sun, 13:03: Happy #worldbookday https://t.co/JLgXrd8AEX
Sun, 13:11: RT @srl: Best sign of the #ScienceMarch in NYC I've seen https://t.co/7D9JR50bdX
Sun, 13:14: This is why #hiddenfigures matters! #whyweneedintersectionalfwminism https://t.co/rlz25TeLD5
Sun, 13:16: RT @megathrustergo: Now @lucia_fasano is doing her thing! Rad nerd music abounds at Nerd Camp! https://t.co/ELhjehp0LD
Sun, 15:00: RT @SlayJonathan: It's time to stop using pictures implying bisexuals are cheaters . https://t.co/NnkjnezigN
Sun, 15:00: When Bear interviews Biff. Small worlds #SVCC17 https://t.co/BratBGsiqZ
Sun, 15:02: RT @Syfy: If music be the food of cinematic love, @JamesGunn, play on. #GotGVol2 #TalkLikeShakespeareDay https://t.co/nQCeFjQyI9
Sun, 15:02: RT @techledes: Many great signs at the #marchforscience in London. https://t.co/xwqL2ZPqq0

( Read more... )

Sat, 14:05: Spotted at #svcc! https://t.co/z2SIUFemX9
Sat, 17:22: @BrentSpiner -The All Geriatric Hamilton is really due now! #svcc thank you for the giggle.
Sat, 20:06: @johncusack -Thank you for a lovely experience at #svcc. Hope you had a great time with it too!
Sat, 21:47: https://t.co/BGjvY3OXdI
Sat, 21:47: Lovely lovely cookies! https://t.co/y0ggqsBdTF
Sat, 21:49: Happy Earth Day! Thank you Rachel Wood for this! https://t.co/no7rOH413T
Sun, 01:38: 9-1-1 Professionals Should be Recognized for Protecting and Saving Lives https://t.co/pkCwiYyC4b
Sun, 01:40: RT @bonniegrrl: HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my favorite female icon #BettiePage! 😍 Here's my essay on how she influenced me for years: https://t.co/…
Sun, 01:43: RT @KamalaHarris: Cuts to the @EPA could mean more children will get lead poisoning. We can’t let that happen. https://t.co/00CpWStGc2
Sun, 11:41: At check in and saw this. Knew who it was immediately. Made my day to know it exists! #SVCC2017 https://t.co/vsOdQGOcnR

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SallyRose Robinson

Rose Red Tarot

November 2023

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Rose Red's Ramblings

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Nov 20- It is your birthday

14 Day Love Challenge- Day 1 Ace of Cups

And it is all gone

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I forgot because life got in the way...

I remember... what do you remember?

Father's Day

Balancing sadness with excitement

Grief

HR Training is stressing me out

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November 2023

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