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"Is this a jab at me?" And of course I am stupid. And you who know me, know why. Can I just say please stop playing games and either work on it or let it go. I hate watching. It hurts to much.
This is about my folks. My dad and his wife. Some friends of mine reminded me of this, but it is really about how I spent the last 10 days with my family and how every time I go to visit I expect things to be different, but they aren't. I hope they will not fight. I hope they will love me as much as they say they do. I go hoping to spend time with my dad and I only get to spend a few hours during a visit. And even that gets marred by my step mother calling or sending some one with us because she doesn't trust my Dad. He hasn't been to visit me since 1999 when he had open heart surgery and he almost died. Every time my dad had me in the car, all he did was say "If I could get away from her, I would. I can't do any thing because she questions every thing I do! But I am 56 years old, so where am I going to go? Yes, I love my wife, but I really can't stand her some days." Do you know how that makes a person feel? I go to see my folks because I love my Dad and I really don't know how long he will be around. And every time I go I have to ask him "Are you going to go get help? Are you going to get counseling?" He says,"Why? She won't listen any way or she will tell me what she wants me to know, not what the counselor really said!" They have gone to counseling and stopped because she didn't want to hear the counselor tell her she had control issues and trust issues. My dad is tired. So I go and know that if I spend 10 minutes a day with him, he knows I love him. I spent more time with my step sister than any one else. That was cool, and she and I talked about her mom. She is pretty great, but it is hard to watch them fight and I hate going some times. Shawn used to ask why I put up with it. I love my dad and if I have to cow tow to his wife to see him, then I will. I know she will not let him come here unless something gigantic happens or he goes with my step sister. So any time I can, I go there. I walk on egg shells every time I am there and do my best to not say the wrong thing or make her mad. I have already experienced making a mistake which got my dad yelled at on more than one occassion. It is either her way or it doesn't happen. And it sucks as I want to go and do things with my dad when I go to visit that I know he wants to share with me as his little girl and only child. I am his only blood child. He loves his step kids and they love him, but I am his blood and he wants to share where he grew up and his parents graves and his memories, but he can't as she freaks out when he is gone too long or not doing what she wants. He gets yelled at for staying up to watch TV in the living room so he doesn't disturb her! He is talking back more especially when I am there which just makes me scared. Why you might ask. Because I will get blamed for him having a back bone. I generally try to just stay out of their issues and talk about stuff that is in no way going to effect them, like my faires, my work or relationships out here. It sounds crazy, but when you have been living this for 12 years and you have gotten calls saying, "Sally, did you roll your eyes at some thing the kids said?" when you have no idea what it was, you get a little frustrated and wish they would actually deal with their crap. Of course when your step sister says "It is all my mom, just don't sweat it." I want to laugh. It isn't just in my head which helps some. Then I also know I never want to live like these people. I trust my loves( may be a little too much.Shut up Booda!) and I try to work on my issues or I get to moving on and deal with the next issues.(Hence, I have my own place and I have a friend verses a boyfriend. We don't hate each other. I would rather that then what my folks are doing.)
So now you know what is what in the really life of Sally verses the Happy go lucky not discussing big issues Rosered32. Now I will say this: If you thought I was talking about you, then may be you might want to think about asking me what is up. I try not to post about issues that aren't mine. Unless it is about my friends who I miss. Then I hope they call me and talk to me. I need my friends and here is where I can vent if I need, not poke at people. ;-P My LJ is not for that. If I have an issue with you, I will point it out. If you think I am poking at you here, I may just be venting so I can collect my thoughts. If I had a really problem, I would tell you. So people, take this LJ as my place to vent and scream and be frustrated for a minute. Don't take it to heart unless I tell you, "Hey BUTT-MUNCH! I got a problem with you!" I don't need to post here to tell you how I really feel. I did graduate with a degree in Communication Studies.(Of course it was a focus on Radio and TV, but whose really reading this?) I may not always say what I think, but if it is here, then You will hear from me if it really is that important and not just me getting out my thoughts.
Okay enough with this after-school special. Who want to get a drink? Make mine a Cosmo please!
This is about my folks. My dad and his wife. Some friends of mine reminded me of this, but it is really about how I spent the last 10 days with my family and how every time I go to visit I expect things to be different, but they aren't. I hope they will not fight. I hope they will love me as much as they say they do. I go hoping to spend time with my dad and I only get to spend a few hours during a visit. And even that gets marred by my step mother calling or sending some one with us because she doesn't trust my Dad. He hasn't been to visit me since 1999 when he had open heart surgery and he almost died. Every time my dad had me in the car, all he did was say "If I could get away from her, I would. I can't do any thing because she questions every thing I do! But I am 56 years old, so where am I going to go? Yes, I love my wife, but I really can't stand her some days." Do you know how that makes a person feel? I go to see my folks because I love my Dad and I really don't know how long he will be around. And every time I go I have to ask him "Are you going to go get help? Are you going to get counseling?" He says,"Why? She won't listen any way or she will tell me what she wants me to know, not what the counselor really said!" They have gone to counseling and stopped because she didn't want to hear the counselor tell her she had control issues and trust issues. My dad is tired. So I go and know that if I spend 10 minutes a day with him, he knows I love him. I spent more time with my step sister than any one else. That was cool, and she and I talked about her mom. She is pretty great, but it is hard to watch them fight and I hate going some times. Shawn used to ask why I put up with it. I love my dad and if I have to cow tow to his wife to see him, then I will. I know she will not let him come here unless something gigantic happens or he goes with my step sister. So any time I can, I go there. I walk on egg shells every time I am there and do my best to not say the wrong thing or make her mad. I have already experienced making a mistake which got my dad yelled at on more than one occassion. It is either her way or it doesn't happen. And it sucks as I want to go and do things with my dad when I go to visit that I know he wants to share with me as his little girl and only child. I am his only blood child. He loves his step kids and they love him, but I am his blood and he wants to share where he grew up and his parents graves and his memories, but he can't as she freaks out when he is gone too long or not doing what she wants. He gets yelled at for staying up to watch TV in the living room so he doesn't disturb her! He is talking back more especially when I am there which just makes me scared. Why you might ask. Because I will get blamed for him having a back bone. I generally try to just stay out of their issues and talk about stuff that is in no way going to effect them, like my faires, my work or relationships out here. It sounds crazy, but when you have been living this for 12 years and you have gotten calls saying, "Sally, did you roll your eyes at some thing the kids said?" when you have no idea what it was, you get a little frustrated and wish they would actually deal with their crap. Of course when your step sister says "It is all my mom, just don't sweat it." I want to laugh. It isn't just in my head which helps some. Then I also know I never want to live like these people. I trust my loves( may be a little too much.Shut up Booda!) and I try to work on my issues or I get to moving on and deal with the next issues.(Hence, I have my own place and I have a friend verses a boyfriend. We don't hate each other. I would rather that then what my folks are doing.)
So now you know what is what in the really life of Sally verses the Happy go lucky not discussing big issues Rosered32. Now I will say this: If you thought I was talking about you, then may be you might want to think about asking me what is up. I try not to post about issues that aren't mine. Unless it is about my friends who I miss. Then I hope they call me and talk to me. I need my friends and here is where I can vent if I need, not poke at people. ;-P My LJ is not for that. If I have an issue with you, I will point it out. If you think I am poking at you here, I may just be venting so I can collect my thoughts. If I had a really problem, I would tell you. So people, take this LJ as my place to vent and scream and be frustrated for a minute. Don't take it to heart unless I tell you, "Hey BUTT-MUNCH! I got a problem with you!" I don't need to post here to tell you how I really feel. I did graduate with a degree in Communication Studies.(Of course it was a focus on Radio and TV, but whose really reading this?) I may not always say what I think, but if it is here, then You will hear from me if it really is that important and not just me getting out my thoughts.
Okay enough with this after-school special. Who want to get a drink? Make mine a Cosmo please!
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 05:45 am (UTC)From:Throw the dog a bone.
When going out to see your dad give the wife a present a something an anything to keep her preoccupied.
*note: heard this on the radio as someone called into an advice radio show with a creepily identical situation and the above was the advice given to the caller*
That sucks. *hug*
no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 07:27 am (UTC)From:Thanks for the advice and I hope you are well. I miss seeing you. Did you love Belgium? It sounded like you did.
Hugs
no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 05:46 pm (UTC)From:I did enjoy Belgium very much, and next time I see you I need to give you the chocolate I picked up for you =)
no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 05:56 am (UTC)From:The situation sounds painful, but I am glad you get to spend some time with your Dad. I love you and I miss you a ton...
if you ever want to talk, call me!
5104109804
I think it is a local call for you!
no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 09:03 am (UTC)From:I do tell him.
Date: 2005-08-02 09:25 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 01:13 pm (UTC)From:Is there any way you and dad could plan for him to visit you, without her knowing? Like on the phone, and e-tickets? She wouldn't have to know, and he could call and leave a voicemail for her when he got to your place. Just a simple "I'm visiting my daughter for a few days. I wanted to spend some quality time alone with her" kind of message.
No one should have to live that way. I feel for your dad. I feel for you too, since you can't spend any decent time with him.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2005-08-02 04:01 pm (UTC)From:and then I look at my own life and feel a little guilty sometimes.. my folks are still together, living in the same house, they love each other even if they have their little roadbumps. I've never heard them yell at each other, or fight.
then I look at my own relationships, and see how something like what you've described could have happened. and almost did. it is a self esteem issue, but you're smart enough to know that. and I can see you're also smart enough to let them live their lives. do what you can and all that.
anyways, I just want to send you a hug.